Business to the Buddha

Author: KRD Pravin

  • The space

    Last week I went to a salon to take a haircut. All this resulted in in lot of thoughts. The thoughts started from body, to space to the consciousness. For simplicity I believe until we end the contest of God let us call the God or consciousness as space. Coming back to the thoughts, the barber put a cloth around me and sprayed water on my head. In winters, water becomes cold. I was surprised by this sudden spray of water. A couple of thoughts ran my mind. Had I drunk this water, this water would have become part of me. In fact, for the world, it would have lost its existence; for the world, it would be simply Pravin no more water as an entity. At the same time, for me – or say my body – it would not have been the surprise experience of sprayed cold water.

    The barber started trimming my hair. Some hair fell on the cloth that was covering me. A thought struck me again – “my hair”. The moment I thought of my hair. I realized it is no more “my hair” it is just “hair”. We start identifying things with possession – my car, my mobile, his chair, and so on. In reality, this possession is very superficial.

    We breathe in and out every few seconds. The moment we inhale; the air becomes “my breath”; after we breathe out, it is again simply air! How ignorant we are about every tiny content, visible or invisible. We inherit it from the earth, and we will leave it here, but we start identifying it with ourselves and ownerships.

    The space

    Slowly, I have started looking at things differently. Last time, I wrote about science and spirituality. In that blog, I tried connecting the dots of space and consciousness. We have space within us and space is everywhere. Similarly, Consciousness is everywhere – some call it God.

    I was talking to my wife about it. When I told her about space within us – I went to the level of atoms. Every atom has space between the nucleus and the orbit of each electron. This space is bigger than the size of the nucleus and the electrons. I tried explaining consciousness and space relation to her. Let us say you go to the water purifier and fill your water bottle with water. Next, I go and do the same. We start saying this water in the bottle as “my water”. On one note, if someone takes water from the purifier and deep freeze it – the same water becomes ice. Our, body is like the ice, we see it separate from everything. It is part of the same whole as the ice is from the water purifier. We become from nothing and end in nothing. As I wrote in a previous blog – tender coconut. What remains with us? We start calling water “my water” or my body – in my analogy. Does it remain with us forever? No. It is the other way round – we leave the body here. We do not take anything with us. We end up in the space. When I say “we” – what is that we? It is not the body.

    The essence

    The haircut connected me to the consciousness once again. This haircut was very profound, it gave me a lot of thoughts and ways to connect multiple dots. We are not just this limited manifestation – as this Autumn leaf states. We are the past, present, and future of humankind. Every generation gain from the predecessors and leave for successors. Additionally, everything around us – the space – is conscious enough. We make an impact long after we have left a place. Our whole family has been reciting Bhojan Mantra twice daily, at mealtime. The meaning of the Mantra is very profound. The Bhojan mantra explains everything very profoundly – everything comes into existence from the Brahman and goes back to the Brahman.

  • Spirituality and Science

    Mahavir – the Jain Tirthankar – was traveling – walking – for his rainy season retreat (Chaumasa). As is the case with any enlightened master in India, Mahavir too had followers traveling with him. One of his followers – named Gaushalak – was mischievous and wanted to have Proof of his enlightenment.

    While they were crossing a rivulet. Gaushalak asked Mahavir, do you see that plant? Mahavir responded in the affirmative. He further asked Mahavir, would this plant grow into a tree? You know all, you can see the future, and you are enlightened can you please confirm this?

    It is said that enlightened people can talk to even the non-living, or in other words, they can understand beyond the perceived too. In fact, someone told me that in Indian Ayurveda, Rishi’s came to know about some of the herbs when they asked the plant for a cure.

    So, Mahavir reached to the plant, apparently, he asked the plant would you grow into a tree? The plant responded to Mahavir in a Yes. Only Mahavir was at the consciousness level to hear the plant, none of the others. He continued his walk and responded in another affirmative to this follower.

    As this follower wanted to test Mahavir, he went to the plant, pulled it off the ground, and threw it aside. Further, he said – I have removed the plant; I am proving you wrong right now itself. Mahavir continued his walk.

    The rain retreat was over. Mahavir and his followers walked back, cross the same rivulet. Mahavir pointed to a plant and told Gaushalak – do you see the plant? This is the same one, it has not only found another ground but also grown within the past few months. Gaushalak was ashamed of his deeds and doubting the master.

    If I related this story to us as professionals, it is the will to cross the hurdles and blossom in adversities when you have been uprooted.

    My experience

    What makes enlightened masters different than the others? They have a consciousness level of super-consciousness. Super-consciousness can be defined as omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. It may sound a bit off from the spirituality where God is not a matter of discussion. The Buddha did not answer the question of the existence of God. Consciousness has a higher level that is beyond the manifested world.

    I attended a meditation silence retreat of the art of living foundation during the new year’s weekend. It was a wonderful experience. It helped me to understand and experience some unique things. Many experiences cannot be expressed in words. However, the concept of spirituality connected to present-day physics (quantum mechanics) was very easy to grasp and experience. We are all wave functions. Hinduism states that we are made of five elements – Earth, Air, Water, Fire, and Space. Space is omnipresent. All the other elements according to the Mass Energy equation of Einstein are interchangeable to mass (I would call it manifestation) to energy and vice versa.

    The Indian sages have achieved multiple manifestations and changes of form. Read Autobiography of a yogi or At the 11th hour for some examples. Basically, we believe in things that we can comprehend or think are possible. We call things as miracles that are incomprehensible or beyond our perception “as possible”. Slowly science and spirituality seem to be merging. Now our experience can connect the dots to scientific proofs. Slowly our perception of miracle, manifest and unmanifest will be even more blur.

    Two miracles

    In a place named Agar Malwa in MP, there is a Samadhi of Swami Jaynarayan Ji Upadhyay. He was a lawyer and a meditation practitioner. It is an incident of July 1931. Once he was in deep meditation (Samadhi) and missed attending the final hearing of one of his clients. When he came out of meditation, he ran to the court. There he came to know that his final arguments were unbeatable, and his client is acquitted. He was physically in meditation at a temple and there he was in the court too. He knew he missed the session. People say that after hearing this about himself, he left everything and became a monk. Recently, in the same city a law college started and it is named after him.

    Similarly, there is another incident of Guru Nanak dev’s manifestation. It is said that when Guru Nanak dev Ji died, His mortal remains turned into flowers. There was a dispute about his last rites. His Muslim followers wanted to bury, Hindu and Sikh devotees wanted to cremate the remains. Guru Nanak dev Ji avoided this dispute by suggesting the followers bring flowers and keep the same on either side of his. Whichever side’s flowers remain fresh, that sect’s custom should be followed with mortal remains. After his death, only flowers remained, the body could not be found. It is documented as well.

    Spirituality and science

    Some things are beyond comprehension – at least as of now. However, those things can be possible. Science is able to provide an explanation for some, during and after the silence meditation retreat course, I could connect some dots relate to some experiences. Earlier I used to dismiss such stories as fiction. Now, I feel that there is something unexplained for science – call it the ether or Space element – that can be experienced with deeper meditations.

    The point I want to drive home is, we are spiritual beings in physical forms. The idea is not to discuss miracles but the possibilities. Finally, each one is a wave function condensed into a manifestation. In some cases those who are evolved can make change manifestation too. Probably, the self-realization spirituality talks about is the realization and experience of the wave function – that is the omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent.

    Image source – https://letstalkscience.ca/educational-resources/stem-in-context/introduction-quantum-mechanics

  • Politics, self-interest and the results

    I started writing on self-interest. However, the larger scheme of things conspired to include politics in it. Most of the time, self-interests do less good than the general betterment of everyone. All of us apply self-interest in many ways. At times, the actor is unaware that his/her actions are driven by self-interest. However, most of the time actions are more motivated with the expected end result in mind – self-interest. Self-interest that is called profit maximizing approach in game theory. However, in game theory you’ve an opponent; here the case we’re going to discuss is related to self vs the larger public good.

    A humble Indian farmer

    Recently, a final closure of Brexit has happened, we have seen farmer protest in India and even the western countries are talking about it as if the law impacts their farmers.

    Self-interest

    The king was talking to his confidant. The confidant was none other than his younger brother. He told his brother – why are you just a spectator in the courtroom? We have studied together, you know the subjects, law, and Ethics as much or better than the other ministers. You must take part in day-to-day activities and decision making discussions.

    The confidant was very insightful; he knew the functioning of the courtroom, decision makings of the kingdom, and a great deal about the ministers. A great observant, yet a humble right-hand man of the king. He responded – you are correct my brother, it is not that I have limited understanding. In the courtroom, many have their self-interest ahead of other things. Many times decisions are not made in the best interest of the kingdom but in the self-interest of the most powerful in that regard.

    I will quote a recent example. It is regarding our dispute with the neighboring kingdom for the distribution of water of the common river. Our ministers proposed a solution either based on incomplete information, or the detailed information was not shared with the committee. The reason? Our minister wanted to influence the decision in support of the other kingdom, reasons may be best known to the minister. The whispers are that minister’s brother-in-law lives and own the land touching the river and could benefit most from our agreement. The minister is corrupt and it is not unknown in the whole ministry; am I right, brother?

    The King knew all of this. He took a pause and responded. At times, you have to close an eye for the larger good of society. Let us assume we had not budged on the water agreement, it might have resulted in a war – however, limited it could be.

    The confidant said – that does not absolve you of your duty as a king, you have the power to get rid of the minister! The minister, though was not as powerful as the king, knew the inner workings of the ministry so he could rebel. At last, the king was also working in the self-interest of staying in power.

    Results

    This is how even the less powerful control the kingdom. This is how democracy undermines good governance too. An example is recent farm law protest in India. Though personally I could not make my mind for or against it as such. At times this is how organizations are at the ransom of these less powerful yet resourceful people. At times these insiders can damage the organization more than the benefit they may offer. Greed and self-interest can make a kingdom or government or an organization average or at worst failed one. There are umpteen examples of this – the Kuru clan in Mahabharat, most likely Pakistan (or other examples of the Middle East of the early 2010s) in coming years or read the HBR article. 

    In essence, though I find it difficult to write – “politics is not bad”. I may not be particularly good at it. However, the self-interest that drives many actions and decisions end up making few organizations or kingdoms average or moderately successful if not a failure. And lastly, self-interest defeats the concept of interdependence – interdependent co-arising.

  • The trusted friend

    We all have friends around us. Some friends are closer than others. A trusted friend is one who can guide us. The guidance can be about our capabilities and strength or out of our unpleasant behavior. I happened to hear a case study recently and could relate to multiple things regarding trusted friendship. A child trusts her parents. Therefore, as parent, the responsibility is immense to help a child believe in herself. A guide is important to help you realize your powers to cross the ocean – of life or spiritual progression. Read further to see how trusted friends are key to personal growth.

    3-small-lessons-from-;leader

    Trusted friend in mythology

    The whole army of Sugriva – the money king – was at the tip of southern India. The army was stuck! There was no clear path from here to the Lanka – where Lord Rama’s wife was. It is at this time that Jambvant told Hanuman what infinite power he has. He can fly, he can change his size, and he is invincible.

    How did it happen that Hanuman was unaware of his powers? Well, the story goes like this – when Hanuman was a kid, he was mischievous. His mischief created a lot of trouble. To everyone’s surprise, he was invincible, so however small he was, no one could fight with him. Besides this, he was anyways a child. Who would want to fight with a child, right? One day when he bothered some community again, a sage cursed him – “you will forget all the powers you have until someone reminds you of these again.”
    Just one sentence and Hanuman became Hanuman we know. Isn’t it interesting? We all need such friend and guide in our life who can make us believe in ourselves and remind us of our powers.

    Trusted friend for child

    We experience the same too. As a child, we hear more of what “Not” to do and what is wrong and avoid it. I am experiencing this whenever I tell Adviti – my daughter – not to do A or B thing. Oh yes, she is mischievous. I get the impression that when we tell kids about No and Nots, we create a virtual limitation in their subconscious mind. These limitations create a boundary that they start making around their capabilities and strength. Otherwise, almost every child is like Hanuman – except the flying and changing the size bit.

    This is a learning experience for me. I must change how I should communicate with Adviti. She needs to learn how to believe in her capabilities and utilize those to do certain things that “are acceptable” as non-mischievous 🙂 A trusted friend for a child is parents, isn’t it? Watch this brief video from the movie Kung Fu Panda, the lesson is You Must Believe. I just love this movie, it has many lessons in less than 100 minutes.

    Trusted friend for professional

    I was talking to one of my close friends about one of his case studies of a course. In this case study, there was a certain new employee in a company. Even though he was new his passion helped him learn technical and non-technical aspects of the job quickly. In no time, he could successfully argue about the technical stuff with his seniors and convince about his point of view to almost all. His skill set helps him climb the ladders quickly. When there is passion, supporting leaders, and no fear of failure one can grow faster. None of his seniors cut him off or short ever to let him feel about his being new, inexperienced, or anything else. This kind of environment can help a person grow professionally too. Isn’t it?

  • Dependent co-arising

    Interdependent co-arising is a very key concept of The Buddha’s teachings. The other interesting names of this concept are dependent co-arising and dependent origination. Dependent co-arising is a deep concept. The depth requires an understanding of the concepts of Buddhism. So, I keep writing at a very shallow level examples to drive home the point. Whenever I read the book – Old path white clouds by Thich Nhat Hanh I get itched to this very concept. He explains this concept in easy words – “From interdependent origins, all things arise and all things pass away.”

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    I have shared multiple examples specifically for dependent co-arising on my blog. These examples were shallow yet practical relationship between the teachings of the Buddha and the present-day Business.

    Here are some examples

    Vaccination and interdependence (pulse polio elimination initiate of Govt of India)
    Societal impact
    Interdependent co-arising a farmers example
    Entrepreneurship
    Intra-country example and macro-economic example

    Whenever I try to interpret this concept; besides the interdependence, this concept touches on another concept of Hinduism (or Indic religions) – the concept of Karma. Karma gives us a guiding principle of cause and effect. It is easy to understand with the help of an English proverb – as you sow; so shall you reap. A very easy example of the cycle of Karma can be seen in an episode – Lucky penny – of How I met your mother.

    However small we think we’re as an individual, we’ve the power to make an immense impact on the world. You may have heard – if a butterfly flutters its wings in Amazon forest, it may cause a hurricane in Japan. I came across this interesting Domino effect video. I could relate it to the butterfly effect and thus to dependent origination.

    Watch this and relate the accumulated energy of the bar to Karma, the first piece as the butterfly fluttering wing and in effect interdependence of everything as a cycle.

  • Autumn Leaf

    I received this story Autumn leaf on WhatsApp from my sister. According to the message this is by venerable Thich Nhat Hanh. He is a very famous Buddhist monk from Vietnam. In fact my blog is inspired by his book Old path white clouds. Without any further ado, here is the story.

    Thich Nhat Hanh

    Autumn leaf

    I asked the Autumn leaf if it was frightened because it was autumn and the other leaves were falling.

    The leaf answered, “No. During the whole spring and summer I was completely alive. I worked hard to help nourish the tree, and now much of me is in the tree.

    I am not limited by this form. I am also the whole tree, and when I go back to the soil, I will continue to nourish the tree. So I don’t worry at all.

    As I leave this branch and float to the ground, I will wave to the tree and tell her, ‘I will see you again very soon’.”

    That day a wind came blowing, and a while later, I saw the leaf leave the branch and float down to the soil, dancing joyfully, because as it floated it saw itself already there in the tree.

    It was so happy. I bowed my head, knowing that I have a lot to learn from the leaf.

  • Deepavali, rangolis and a lesson

    Diwali is the biggest festival in India. As a kid, I used to love Rangolis the most besides other interesting stuff such as sweets. During Diwali season, making Rangoli was a morning and evening ritual for about a month from the beginning of Dussehra till Bhaiduj. I used to ask my elder sisters to make one Rangoli each that too twice a day – in the morning and the evening. Those were some days! Recently, watched a video rangoli and a lesson dawned on me.

    Source – Rangoli by my friend’s niece

    Rangoli making was an elaborate process. First, bring some bricks and arrange them in a square or rectangular format. Second, fill it with mud, mostly made using cow dung. Let it dry. This is our platform for making Rangoli. We bought different colors, sample Rangoli design books, and some stationery. Further, the creation of dots required another list of activities. We bought a large piece of paper, an A0, A1 or A3 size. Then we made horizontal and vertical lines on it. Once this table or grid-line is prepared made holes on intersections with incense sticks. This paper becomes our grid-line or ruler. During the festival, clean old Rangoli every time, spread cow dung mud on the platform, let it dry for some time and start Rangoli making. Rangoli making started with making dots using the grid-line.
    About a month back, Youtube gave this link on my timeline. It is a famous Rangoli channel with millions of views for many videos. I watched one of the videos. I still like Rangolis though we do not make it in our apartment as we used to in Dhar.

    Yesterday happened to go for my yearly health check up in a hospital. This is a big hospital and during Covid, it is designated hospital too. The staff there was full with energy and making Rangoli, wearing traditional cloths, and after decorating their department they lit diyas too. In such a tough place they were full of life, and enjoying the activity. All this while, I went to different departments for check-ups and was happy to see the staff engrossed in the celebration. Even during such tough time and treating Covid patients these people were celebrating. I was very happy to see that.

    Deepavali, Rangolis and a lesson

    I was watching one Rangoli on the channel, staff in hospital, and my childhood. A thought struck me instantaneously. Rangoli making can teach life lessons. Every day morning, you clean your verandah. Sprinkle water and make Rangoli. In the evening, clean the same Rangoli that you made with a lot of interest, and love. This is a daily chore at least in many rural areas in India, especially in south India. If one has to clean it in the evening, why make it? Or why make it so beautifully? The creator knows it; in the evening after making it, within a few hours no one will be there to watch it. Still, the creator makes it with interest. The creator also knows that tomorrow morning it will be cleaned. The lesson is – even if you know you have to leave the elevator, and everything is impermanent whatever you do, do with interest, love, and full devotion.

    Happy Diwali

  • Remember! We’ve to leave the elevator

    Sigmund Freud is one of the authorities on the interpretations of dreams. He wrote a very famous book “The Interpretation of Dreams”. One of his quotes is “Dreams are never concerned with trivia.” I rarely dream or perhaps I dream but forget them before I wake up. If we give some serious thoughts to our dreams, few can teach a lesson or two. The lesson that I learned from a recent dream was – “remember we’ve to leave the elevator”.

    My dream

    Remember! We've to leave the elevator

    Two weeks back I had a dream. This dream was a bit unusual. I was coming out of an elevator. I came out and saw a family – Husband, wife, and two of their children – one infant and one toddler waiting for the elevator. In this building, we had the provision of a room and kitchen for domestic help. This was a family of one such domestic help. I asked him – what happened Ram where are you going with so much luggage? He responded – we are going to our village. Due to Covid we are exhausted with our limited resources and have better chances in the village.

    I held the door of the elevator so that the family can get in. Ram kept luggage and his wife took the kids in. Before I could leave the door for them to proceed, I noticed, Ram was arranging his stuff in the small place as if he has to put his kids to sleep here.

    Before closing the door, out of curiosity, I asked him what are you doing? You will reach ground within a min or so, why are you arranging your stuff here as if you have to live here forever? Before Ram could answer this question, my sleep was interrupted; I woke up.

    Food for thought

    It was good food for thought. We keep on “arranging” things in life, parents ask children to “settle down”. Settling down is a euphemism in India for getting married and having a family. American research suggested that 1 in 8 Americans die in their sleep. We are unsure of waking up the next morning but we prepare life long to arrange things and settling. On a lighter note, “we are very optimistic, to be in the other 7”.

    My point is, instead of being satisfied, which is here and now, and worth earning we become feverish and keep on running endlessly. In some cases, rather than being feverish, some activities become necessary because of other entanglements. It is complex to understand my previous sentence, so to understand the point I am making read this story of the entanglement of a Langot (undergarment).

    Remember! We’ve to leave the elevator

    We must pause and introspect some time. I had written about introspection about a decade back with this question – Why are you doing what are you doing? We must strive for goals and ambitions. At the same time, we must be mindful too. The point is, we must live life to the fullest, enjoy it, and make it comfortable for ourselves and those around us. After all this, we must remember – we are not going to stay here forever – we have to leave the elevator some time – however beautiful it is. The Ram within woke up to say – Ram, you have to leave the elevator sooner or later so watch your actions.

    Image source – https://charterelevator.com/modernization/modernize-you-cab-image/

  • Endless trip of the mind

    Over thinking can cause a lot of damage. This endless trip of mind creates two worlds within our mind. It is difficult to tame the monkey mind. An easy solution is meditation. My personal experience is Art of living part Happiness Program helps in multiple ways.

    Meditation helps in more than one ways. I shall share a recent incident some time in future. Until I get time to write my experience, here is a wonderful story from the book I have referred multiple times on my blog post – Prayers of the frog.

    Our one mind creates so much of trouble, understand Ravana had ten and the disaster it caused. Better to have a head over shoulders that is balanced, isn’t it? Wish you a very Happy Dussehra and I leave you with these thoughts of bringing peace.

    Endless trip of the mind

    Samuel was down in the dumps and who could blame him? His landlord had ordered him out of the apartment and he had nowhere to go. Suddenly the light dawned. He could live with his good friend Moshe. The thought brought Samuel much comfort until it was assailed by another thought. Samuel thought “what makes you so sure that Moshe will put you up at his place?” “Why wouldn’t he?” Came another question in his mind. He said to himself sharply “After all it is I who found him the place he is living in now; and it was I who advanced him the money to pay his rent for the first six months. Surely the least he could do is put me up for a week or so when I am in trouble.”

    That settled the matter in Samuel’s mind, until after dinner. After dinner, his mind again took a trip of thoughts; “Suppose Moshe were to refuse?” “Refuse?” Samuel again reasoned in his mind; “Why in God’s name would he refuse?” The man owes me everything he has. It is I who got him the job, it is I who introduced him to that lovely wife who has borne him the three sons he glories in. Will he grudge me a room for a week? Impossible.”

    Once again, Samuel’s mind settled until he go to the bed. He could not sleep as the thoughts came back “But just suppose Moshe were to refuse. What then?” This was too much for Samuel. His mind was on an endless trip, the thoughts continued “How the hell could he refuse?” Samuel was losing his temper in thoughts itself. His mind continued the chain of thoughts “If the man is alive today it is because of me. I saved him from drowning when he was a kid. Will he be so ungrateful as to turn me out into the streets in the middle of winter?”

    This mental exercise continued in Samuel’s mind; “Just suppose…”. Poor Samuel struggled with it as long as he could. Finally, he got out of the bed around 2 AM in the morning, went over to Moshe’s home, and kept ringing the doorbell until Moshe, half-asleep, opened the door and said in astonishment, “Samuel! What is it? What brings you here in the middle of the night?” Samuel was so angry by now he could not keep himself from yelling, “I’ll tell you what brings me here at this hour of the mind! If you think I’m going to ask you to put me up even for a single day, you’re mistaken. I don’t want to have anything to do with you, your house, your wife, or your family. To hell with you all!” With that, he turned on his heel and walked away.

    How to get over it

    Before your mind or relationships explode like Samuel’s did, my experience based suggestion would be – register for a course mostly happening online during Covid or reach out to me I shall try to connect you with someone who can help you attend an upcoming course.

  • Choices

    My daughter, Adviti is growing up. She has started asserting her liking and choices gradually. She decides what she wants to eat when she wants to change the song, and what she wants to wear. It is turning out to be a fascinating life lesson for me.

    We start making choices since childhood. I remember spending time with my niece Chinu when she started making choices. She liked watching Kung Fu Panda (movie) I enjoyed watching Kung Fu Panda with her, she also collected pebbles as I did as a kid.

    Smiling-Baby

    I believe some of our choices are involuntary, and some are self-made. Let me take an example – Adviti likes us chanting of Bhojan Mantra (video below) before meals because she has seen us doing it for as much as the last six months. I wonder if she understands it, or whether the rendition is clear. However, she loves it, and if we start eating our meal without the chanting, she forces us to chant the mantra. Possibly this is what Sanskar is. I’d call it an involuntary choice – I may be wrong though, she may be forcing us because she understands! When she changes the Youtube video – it is most likely a self-made choice.

    Choices, Liking and Love

    Though I found time now to write about it, however, I had been thinking about Adviti’s likes, dislikes, and choices for a while. Those who know me know that for my arrange marriage I met two dozen girls. Many rejected me, I rejected some. In these discussions, some accused me of – you are not proceeding further “because I am fat”; “because I am darker shade” etc. I had to respond to these because these were genuinely not the reasons. I will share few arguments that I shared with these prospective alliances.

    One, on complexion, I said, let’s assume I get to marry the fairest girl in the world. Every evening I come from the office. and we start fighting on a trifling matter. In that case, what is the value of the “fairness” to me? It is said that beauty is skin deep, isn’t it?

    Two, on complexion and shape, I said, let’s assume I get married to someone, she met with an accident, or I met with an accident resulting in a body deformity. Would the other person leave the better half who met with an accident? I had to take this example because one alliance had such an incident. I had to tell her that such things are possible after marriage too. A bad example but I took such an example.

    Lastly, on the shape, I said who is going to remain like this forever? With age, we all will be out of shape. why worry about it from now? One must be fit for a healthier life but one should not take serious decisions giving one-factor full weightage.

    Those long discussions (or at times long-distance discussions), in some cases the contest of mind vs heart, for alliances made me look at likes and dislikes little objectively. I asked myself – if I love someone because of face or shape or behavior (or family – yes Indian marriages are not just two people it is their family and extended family too) what if one parameter changes in the same person? In the end, I came to realize – choices are made (or someone or something is loved) because of the whole and not because of the parts. Check this section of an Indian movie – Nayak the real hero – where protagonist is explaining his “dream girl” and what that turns out to be by his father who is a cartoonist.

    If I love someone or something – I love that because of the uniqueness. The uniqueness includes possible flaws. If I had to respond to “why I love someone or something” what would my response be? If my response is because of X, Y, Z and A, B, C, etc. There may be more people with those same qualities. Would it be possible to love those others too? This question helped me realize the lower strata of love. This stratum is for love, liking, or choices we make in the material world. The spiritual world has compassionate affection – of the Buddha – for everyone or full devotion – Bhakti – for the loved one.

    The realization was that we make choices in the whole and start intellectualizing the choices part by part for bringing balance between heart and mind. This justification brings reasoning of “why” and “because of”. Most likely Adviti makes her self-made choices on the whole, once she grows older she too will start intellectualizing the choices to justify her liking.