Business to the Buddha

Tag: Marriage

  • Adviti and perspective change







    Adviti is growing up, she has started turning and every now and then she turns. When feeding her, she turns that makes putting food in mouth difficult. It was surprising initially to feed her used to be irritating that she is turning in no time. Once, I was talking to a relative, she said – Adviti will keep on doing it because it provides her a different perspective to the world. As an infant, how good and easy for them to change perspective – make it exactly 180 degree and enjoy. How difficult for us to change our perspective?

    This change in perspective gave me an opportunity to question my own opinions. So, first was marriage in particular caste. The other apparent Indian customs such as – girls parents to not step in her home once girl is married! Yes that I have heard in conservative families. I don’t know how much is it followed now. So, when I badgered Lingayat community for disrespectful behavior on marriage issues, today I try to look at another perspective.

    perspectiveOne of the possible reason for people looking at their own community or professional background could be that a girl grown up in similar environment may find it easy to settle in new family with similar customs or work requirements. If a farmer marries a goldsmith’s daughter would not it be very difficult for her to get accustomed to the new way of living?

    Second, when society used to say not to go to girl’s home after her marriage, the possible reason could be – avoiding conflicts. Indian soap opera’s show it often. Additionally, olden days, it used to be a wish that girl is married in a family of economically higher standing. So, possible that girl or her parents should not feel uncomfortable, or should not be named for their out of place demeanor by the boy’s family. My small mind could think of only these possible reasons.

    Lastly, eastern religion – all have concept of rebirth and karma. Personally, I not only follow but also believe in these concepts. A different paradigm from these seemingly good concept is here. If you tell a student that you’re not good at mathematics because in last life time you moneylender and did mischievous calculations to let the borrowers keep on paying you unnecessarily, that is a bad perspective on the concept.

    There are many wars, fights and arguments due to perspectives. Be it capitalism vs socialism, one religion vs the other or political biases. We can be passionate about our perspective yet should be compassionate to listen to others view too. Otherwise there will always be wars, fights and arguments.

    Adviti is teaching me a lot of things with her growing up. The recent one is changing perspective and looking at the other side, even if it seems incorrect prima-facie. This is a difficult task, I am trying to learn though, she changes her perspective by 180 degree easily at this age. Are we as adults going to learn something from our next generation?

    Image source – https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Point_of_view_bias.jpg

  • Dreaming big







    cliparti1_dream-clip-art_04.jpgI was just turning a teen, back in 1993. I was studying in class 8 in a Govt school [Govt School Number 9]. This school was (still is) run in a temple – Anandeshwar – at the heart of a town Dhar in MP. A new student had enrolled in our class – Ramesh. We did not know much about him. One day one of my friends and classmate – Varun – told me more about Ramesh.

    Varun said – “You know what, Ramesh is an orphan, he lives in Pipalkheda orphanage”.

    I knew that Pipalkheda village, the orphanage was about 8 KM from our school that too on a state highway. Those days riding a cycle on those roads was not an entertaining affair because roads were only two-lane without divider and not as good as a highway we see now a day.

    Varun continued – “Ramesh could continue after class 7 because he scored the maximum among the kids in his orphanage, he scored 56%. The orphanage does not have a lot of funds to fund education of every kid when education becomes expensive.”

    I am sure you know, education does not mean only school fee. Education included uniform, books, notebooks and for Ramesh a bicycle for commuting 8 KM. School fee for our school was about 5/- (INR 5) per annum. Yes that is it; I had a receipt of my class 5 – year 1990 – with me for long time wherein the fee paid was 1/- (INR1).  Perhaps that orphanage could not afford all those things for every kid and therefore the decision to continue education of only one after 7th might have been taken.

    Though Ramesh could have studied in other School [Govt School Number 10] saving his one way travel of 2 KM daily, he decided to join Anandeshwar. Pipalkheda had no school after 7th.

    Ramesh’s story moved me. I still remember a lot of the incident because that time I decided to adopt an orphan when I grow up. The dream also grew when I grew up, the idea shaped into adopting an orphan (specially a girl child). In later stage that dream grew into starting an orphanage with a school in it. I questioned orphans do not have a family, how can they have a family like growing up? When I came in Mumbai I saw old age homes. For a town guy this was something strange. The dream further evolved into having an orphanage, school and old age home. The elders who can teach can become teachers and others can become family for the orphans. This dream is just a dream currently.

    It remained my dream because I never wanted to take money from anyone (investor, philanthroper) for realizing it. I said to myself – It is “my dream”, and I have to work towards realizing it. The dream evolved on the lines of how to make the cause a self-sustained cause. This evolved into adding plans of having a community hall with the orphanage, school and the front of the place facing main road as commercially rented shops et al. This can help generate some funds for the dream to become self-sufficient, even if only partially. The ideas have been evolving. There was a time and occasionally comes a time when I start running behind money, so much that I can do what I dreamt (and evolved that dream) as a teenager.

    Mine is an arrange marriage. I met about 24 girls for finding an alliance. Well we can make an Indian version of “How I met your Mother” on that [It was massive 9 season series 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9]. But that is not the point right now. When I met girls these girls and discussions became somewhat serious, I shared this dream with couple of them. Perhaps few rejected me because of that. Well, my wife knew this dream before our decision of marriage, in fact she also was planning to adopt a child in coming time J

    I am still growing and learning. One of the lessons from the two decade old dream is – remove “I” and “My” from it. Would it hurt me if someone else (who has funds) executes it? I would be happy that someone did it or doing it. If someone executes and I come to know, I can help share my skills for the same, right?

    Note – Names changed (obvious reasons – Varun didn’t understand what I am writing. Generally it seems difficult for people to think the other person is thinking on what lines. I’ve no contact with Ramesh. Varun told me Ramesh’s whereabouts, which I didn’t disclose here.)

    Image source – http://clipartzebraz.com/files/1/24044_dream-clip-art.html

  • Owning up things







    alien-house2Recently I got married. Before marriage, I always planned and lived with minimum stuff. I never owned even a wheel of a bicycle. The most surprising stuff started just two days before marriage. Somebody broke into my apartment. When I reached home, my first reaction was – “com’on you must be kidding! How can one think that I would have stuff at home to steal?” The only possession I owned until recently was – 1. consumables, my books & my degrees; everything else at home is from my landlord. My landlord has been kind to offer fully furnished apartment.

    Anyways, so this journey of conversion from being a nomad to settler started just some time back. When we – I and my wife – traveled from her home to my home we had 60KG of suitcase stuff. A lot is still at her parents home. My luggage weighs at least 3 times that much; that is besides the point. Let me qualify the stuff I am talking about – its everything I own.

    Now, as a settler I am planning to buy things, we have started with a scooter, planning washing machine, fridge, TV, car and home etc. The list is almost endless. I am sure the burden of these purchases going to be more tiring.

    Now, I am changing, I have learnt – from Mahavir and the Buddha – “no hoarding, no stealing etc we have forgotten… we will leave everything here but still we want to own stuff.” Now, I am calling all those things written above as – “convenience”, “required to make life easier”. That is being mean – defining everything at one’s “convenience” (bending the definitions).

    But who says one must become masochist in the name of being an ascetic?

    I know owning up things should not becoming things owning me. Reminds me of The book of Mirdad, more blogs on the book here 

    Less possession less possessed.

    Image source – http://www.maydolly.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/alien-house2.jpg

  • Arranged marriages







    Yesterday I received a call from unknown number – Hello, is that Pravin? Yes I said. “I’m Ms Gautam [name changed], we connected that time etc”. We talked for about 10 min, that lady (though belonging to the Art of Living community) almost abused many unknown AoL devotees.

    The lady never told name of her daughter. Yes that is true. I was contacted earlier, that time too she circumvented the question. This “arranged marriage” is a strange business – watch video below. Before you select whom you like, you first select he/she should be from which caste, what education and yes even at some place “salary”!? I was watching “Timepass” a Marathi movie recently. Two kids in their teens fall in love watch movie for what happens next. The movie ended with same questions on my face. We decide caste, social status and status first rather than the choice of guy and the girl. Things are very subjective and here goes my story.

    I registered on renowned matrimonial sites of India. I know they are in business, yet their constant push bugged me. It was bit disappointing, when they called me during weekdays. Anyways, what frustrated me using those sites was – stereotypical approach of considering me of one community rather than a prospective educated groom. I have written about it earlier too, especially against hypocrisies of my community – Lingayats.

    I came across two sites and thus deleted my profile at traditional sites. The sites are – ibluebottle.com and ZoobyDooby.com (ZD). Both are different, interesting and refreshing.

    BlueBottle is good but wants salary to be disclosed (seems awkward if one makes selection of bride/groom on salary as first criteria!). Second, you cannot search and connect on BlueBottle. BlueBottle has full personality test; what is the guarantee that someone will be able (intentionally or unintentionally) to answer all subjective questions correctly. On the other hand, ZD has a poor interface and is slow. The positives – BlueBottle puts profession as primary whereas ZD gives you chance to go through profiles. Especially ZD does a wonderful task of matching interests and profile interaction (Facebook profiling) based on an analytical engine. Watch the video how ZD works here.

    Just to give you an example – I follow the Art of Living and first person I see on ZD matches is a devotee of AoL. Is not is surprising and interesting? Let me add – when we search prospective bride/groom, we do it based on what we think we like. However, ZD learns from our social network and helps us interact and discover. Interestingly it’s free!

    I believe we are all born equal (unlike Hinduism’s caste system based divide). I feel good when I see ZD and BlueBottle believing and doing things accordingly. In long run it would help our society to get away from our “preconceived” notions of what we should like and towards what we naturally prefer.

    Disclaimer – company in which I work has invested in ZoobyDooby