Disclaimer – Death of Sushant Singh Rajpoot (SSR) has moved me deeply. This blog post is dedicated to him. Neither this post nor I mean to insinuate anything related to the causes of death or anything related to the big personality in SSR. I request you to please look at the message at a larger perspective.
It was just another weekend morning, we were in our room, reading a newspaper. Literally, it was nothing special, usual day, nothing much exciting. My neighbor called me – “Pravin, it is your sister’s phone”. I rushed to the room, picked up the phone, and said – “hello, hi Tai”. I call my elder sisters Tai. It was my eldest sister speaking from somewhere in North East where she was posted as an army officer. She asked – “How are you doing and what is happening?” I said, I am good and nothing special at my end. She responded – “Life itself is special, do not respond to me like that next time.” Whenever I responded ‘nothing special’, she had said the same thing earlier to me.
This happened in the year 2000. About 20 years back, we did not have mobiles as the current generation has these days in their pockets. Admission in Engineering and completing that itself was a privilege for a middle-class family kid – I had that privilege.
Yes, I was privileged that I was doing my engineering, I had “earned it”, we’d a competition with a handful of seats (1000 in total in Govt/semi Govt colleges put together for general category) across the state. With this point too, it was “special” that I was studying in Engineering. My saying nothing special was an understatement.
My sister’s one sentence with 2 words stuck with me. Our life is precious, it was not that I made it to engineering was special, life itself is something to be celebrated. Why am I revisiting this 20-year-old incident?
Small incidents of saying “Nothing Special”
Sushant Singh Rajpoot’s death – be it a suicide or a murder – moved me. The death of anyone makes me feel – the world lost life experience and numerous relationships with one person. I wrote on China India standoff and loss of lives there too, though I could not conclude it so has not posted it yet.
I knew Sushant as “Dhoni”. Whenever I saw his picture or video, I said – “Vo Dhoni hai na (that Dhoni)” and my wife used to correct me with his name. He made me believe he is Dhoni on screen. Though, I watched only 3 of his movies Dhoni, Byomkesh Bakshi, and Chhichhore.
When I was reading the news of Sushant Singh Rajpoot, my mother recited a Doha of Kabir das.
साईं इतना दीजिये, जा मे कुटुम समाय। मैं भी भूखा न रहूँ, साधु ना भूखा जाय॥
Oh God, give me as much that my family can survive. As much that neither I sleep hungry nor the saint (guest) who is at the door.
She further elaborated, that we must not run behind many things in life – be it money, fame, success, and every other possible possession. She said – all these things end up making a person want more. My mother made valid points, in fact I have written on it for a long time. I asked her how can we say that someone had a hunger for something and that hunger forced him to take the extreme decision? In fact, I could some how make it to the engineering he was national topper. I always felt he was a very thoughtful person and find it difficult to believe he committed suicide. Though, our discussion had no conclusion in the end.
Wish Sushant had spoken with anyone who could tell him that – “life itself is special”.